Xiangyi is a 15-year-old girl living in Singapore.

 

Like most 15-year-olds in Singapore, her life is preoccupied with homework and studying for exams. 

 

Xiangyi’s parents are divorced.

She has not met her father since she was 5 years old.

From 2005 to 2014, over 50,000 children under 21 were involved in divorce cases in Singapore (Source: Family Justice Courts and Ministry of Social and Family Development).

With more than 7,000 divorces taking place each year in Singapore (source: Singstat.gov.sg), the idea of growing up in a single-parent household has increasingly become a norm.

In most single-parent families, the parent with custody of their children takes on dual roles as both the mother and father. When that happens, the affected children tend to rely solely on the parent that they live with, all while emotionally drifting away from the other.

One day, the news came that her father had become terminally ill.

Xiangyi’s Mom decides for her and Xiangyi to have lunch with her father.

This will be the first time meeting her father after 10 years since her parents’ divorce.

As the children's opinions are seldom sought in divorce cases, the idea of divorce can be confusing for them. In the midst of the heartbreaking disintegration of their family unit, conflicting feelings arise as well as issues of abandonment.

For children in single-parent families, it may seem like one of their parents has abandoned them.

Meeting with her father opens many unhealed wounds for Xiangyi.

She struggles with confronting all the overwhelming and conflicting feelings.

While a child may seem functioning on the surface, it should never be underestimated how traumatic a divorce can be for him or her. As most leave their feelings unacknowledged, the trauma and abandonment issues can plague the child for many years afterward.
It is important that divorcing parents reach out to divorce support specialist agencies (DSSAs) to help families deal with divorce-related matters and help affected children adapt during and after their parents’ divorce.
Here are the 6 DSSAs under the Ministry of Social and Family Development that provide support to families with emphasis on the children:
1) Care Corner Centre for Co-Parenting
2) Healing Hearts@Fei Yue
3) HELP Family Service Centre
4) PPIS As-Salaam Family Support Centre
5) Thrive Parenting! AMKFSC Community Service
6)The Hua Kwan Centre for Family Harmony

Like Xiangyi, many children still struggle with the pain of the long-ago divorce of their parents.

Their pain and fear remain unspoken for years.

It’s time that they are finally heard.

 

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